Self-limiting beliefs that we are unaware of run us producing results determined by the belief and we then justify with our story of reality. When aware of them you have a choice to ignore, to stop being aware or take a new approach. Removing them may take a lifetime or some, once you learn how to ‘weed’ your mind, may disappear permanently.
One of my favorite stories is in Matthew and Mark where Jesus walks up to a fig tree expecting it to have figs out of season. The fig tree said no and it had a great excuse too. However, the Creator of the Universe asked for something He clearly had given the fig tree permission to do and all the power necessary to produce it. The consequences of no figs today, I’m not ready yet, it isn’t a good time now, this isn’t the season, was the fig tree was cursed to ruble and dust in hours. Clearly, the fig tree had a self-limiting belief. That dash or more of doubt we keep around is dangerous to our health!
What keeps us stuck is self-talk that we hardly ever notice. The three versions all of us have on standby run like, “I am not worthy” and or “If I try I am sure to fail” and or “If I succeed/fail nobody will want me”. The reality is anything worth doing is worth failing at the first couple hundred times if necessary. I believe success appears sometime after the 99th failure. If you have ever practiced playing the piano or heard someone practicing at playing the piano, you have heard failure over and over. Provided they continued practicing at some point, playing the piano occurred.
Getting to where you hear your own self-talk for the first time, you may have to peel back the onion of your mind many times to find it that first time. What hides and covers that chatter from us are layers of great reasons and justifications. All of us have programmed ourselves and been programmed since childhood to keep the core hidden with layer after layer. There is no specific order either. Some of us may have a few and others the same ones over and over on top of over and over. Tired of attempting upon attempt is not a reason to take a nap or go to sleep. It just may be the clue to stay awake! Here are some of my layers that each needs a blog post and a few an entire blog series to weed out of existence.
Do you practice being the Lone Ranger, Batman or Superman while operating from the stands instead of on the court? Nobody can learn the nature of relationship and networking, especially when confusing them with involvement and entanglement.
Do you love to argue against every other point of view than yours? What would happen if you chose to hear all suggestions or ideas from others as an attempt to assist you in your dreams? Where and when did they offer the defenselessness class? I missed it.
Your persistence has a limit; a number that when reached means you stop. Fanatical persistence unshaken by circumstance, the crowd in the stands or the chatter in your head is a habit worth developing.
From birth to the present, the world says conform. What does it look like to be yourself, the unique person you could be, if you got out of your own way?
To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting. – e. e. cummings
Finding the ‘Goldilocks’ just right confidence is also a class I missed. Are you stuck in too little or too much? Excessive confidence, too little humility and total ignorance of authenticity is a formula for disaster. Much of going past your limits to find them is a perfect way to stretch the mind to where it can never go back to a workable reality.
The ability to engage in multiple distractions daily, often called multi-tasking, hides what you are to do from being done. Failing to concentrate your focus on one thing at a time until completion is living out of focus. Dreams’ coming true requires perpetual focus.
The worst ‘holic’ is an excusaholic. When you form a habit for your mind to have one [or more] excuse ready for every circumstance, living in the Valley of Death surrounded by mountains with no top called, responsibility, accountability and integrity is a very dark place. Wallowing in credit, blame, fault and no fault guarantees you never leave.
Until you are able to carve out a space for possibility for you to show up in, to be a stand for your dreams and all that they make possible, you are standing in a space of no belief. What is worse than no belief is to carve out a space of doubt with a little belief curtained to hide it. Even a space of possibility with a dash of doubt is the ground of failure. Mountains move when there is no doubt.
Total indifference is quitting on life. The lack of caring is not zero emotional attachment to the outcome. The ability to ignore the score while being firmly committed to the object or events at hand is when making a difference shows up. When did they steal our ability to play full out? They didn’t but they covered it with nice, fairness, equal outcomes and working on your own by yourself as priorities instead. When you stopped willing to risk embarrassment, being wrong, looking stupid or silly you chose being the worst kind of indifferent. You chose to be right about what everyone else wanted for your life instead of what you wanted. Real communication is insuring what they heard is what you meant by what you said. Going along to get along, settling for good enough, especially in their ‘listening’ dooms you to more indifference.
The definition of ‘goal’ is an object or an event towards which play is directed in order to score. You can change all your goals to align with your dreams. Only tell people your accomplishments after a goals completion. Keep your dreams safe from naysayers and dream stealers. Ignore the score as best you can.
The mind is not an onion. It seems more like the ebb and flow of the ocean tide. No sooner have you made a dent in any of the above and one of the others or one I have failed to identify moves in to replace any gain or success. At the core is our self-worth. It holds hands with our self-imposed limits. We all collect evidence at the subconscious level that “I am not worthy”, “I am sure to fail”, and “nobody will want me”. Every path to success is paved with the proof. How do you succeed? The short answer is one-step at a time. Stay tuned for the long, detailed answers. What say you, from either the court or the stands and do you know the difference?